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RUBY62-7
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1996-10-27
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4KB
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81 lines
Copyright 1996(c)
IT'S THE STUPID ECONOMY, STUPID
From Ruby on the Campaign Sail...
A Ruby D. Begonia Pearl
Ruby reached with her right foot way over the clutter on the
floor and stepped on solid ground. As she reached for David's
wallet, something under her extended foot made a noise.
David woke up. He and Ruby stared into one another's eyes.
"Oops, wrong turn. Not my bedroom, sorry," Ruby alibi'd and
moved to retreat.
"Oh no you don't," David snarled, fully awake and on the
attack.
"Gotta go," said Ruby, scuttling quickly backward. "Got a man
waiting with a horse."
She turned and poofed away just as David reached for her.
David flipped the light on and Del sat up.
"Told you you couldn't catch her," said Del.
"Thank you for your support," said David.
"Well, you ought to listen to me sometimes," said Del.
"Like the time we--" David began.
"Like now," snapped Del, "and don't do that 'drag back a dead
cat' thing."
"That what?"
"Drag back a dead cat. Grandaddy said it's what daddy did with
the information that Gramps was copping a little on the side--drag
it back and lay it on the doorstep like a dead cat, by telling
granny, who, I should mention, had no sense of humor about such
things," said Del, as if the reference made perfect sense without
the interpretation.
"Look, I told you it wouldn't work when you put the bear trap
in. I said 'She's virtual, you ninny. You can't physically hurt
her.' Did you listen? No. And isn't that why Pumpkin's tail has a
kink in it?" Del demanded, pointing at the black cat.
"Pumpkin had a kink in his tail when he got here," David
protested.
At the mention of his name, Pumpkin looked at one and then the
other. Deciding neither wanted him, he made for the door and made
'outside' noises. David opened the door and he took off, giving
them a little privacy to talk about him. Pumpkin was a very secure
cat.
"That's not how he tells it, but no matter," said Del. "I told
you it wouldn't work but did you listen? Noooooo. You went out and
bought stuff to make a bear trap and ended up tossing it in the
garbage. I just hope no derelict puts his hand--" Del said.
"Yeah, yeah," said David. "Well, you were wrong, weren't you?
I caught her this time and she didn't get any money, either."
"Oh, dear one, do you think that's what this is all about?
Money? Ask yourself, my pet, where is Ruby going to spend that
money? She can't spend real money at the virtual store, now can
she? And what use, pray tell, does Ruby have for money when she can
just zap stuff into and out of existence?"
David had never really thought about it, but Del was right.
"Then why does she do this?" he asked.
"Well, she has to do something and it's sport. She does it,
my sweet, because she can," said Del, flipping off the light and
turning over.
"Why doesn't she do it all the time, then?" David asked from
the dark. "If she can, why doesn't she? She hasn't got anything
else to do, right?"
"Not exactly," said Del.
"How, not exactly?" asked David. "She does not exist, ergo has
no job, but has the power to be, make, and do, all things. She's
not going to work. What's she got to do but harass?"
"Nothing, dear, but she's got other customers. Never forget
about Bob Dole. By the way, how, exactly, did you catch her?"
"I used the scourge of mankind--the bane of all existence, the
inimmitable talking book," said David, picking it up and squeezing
the cover to make a sound like dying small livestock.
"Get one for my side, would you?" Del asked.
"You think she'll be back?" he asked.
From the dark came a duet reply.
"Oh, absolutely," said Del. And Ruby.
"Eeek," said David, and heard a low chuckle. He couldn't tell
whose it was. He was real glad when he woke up with Del. He wasn't
nearly so pleased when he discovered his voter's registration card
was missing.
END